Understanding vs Acceptance

2008.10. 4

On his way back to Suwon from Seoul this morning, Oh starts to think about the definitions of love. They are too many to count. Oh thinks that it is futile to try to draw a definition of love.

But he believes that love has something to do with acceptance rather than understanding.

Understanding requires a complete or partial empathy meaning you should be able to relate your own life to others'. So, when you say that "I understand.", it means that you know exactly what others are talking about or what they are going through because you have been there and done that. For example, if a friend of yours were to be dumped, you would say "I understand what you are going through." As long as you went through a breakup or at least were dumped, you are entitled to say "I understand."



Oh then thinks that people too easily say "If I were you... if I were in your shoes.. I would do this and that.." because they will never be able to understand what it is like to be under the very particular circusmtance." But Oh also thinks that saying that meaningless sentence is a least attempt and a meaningful gesture to console the person in agony.



Consecutively, Oh then questions. If understand fall shorts, then what would be qualified as an entity that is closest to the essence of love. Oh always thinks that acceptance is the answer.



In English, people use to say "I like you for you who are." Since he learned this usage, he enjoys using it when necessary. The quote above indicates that one accept, likes the other regardless of any kind of exteior or interior conditions that he or he is under.

While understanding is about partial condition of one person, acceptance talks about "as a whole"

For this reason, Oh thinks that acceptance is a better definition for love than understanding. Take family for example. Your family embraces you for who you are. Your parents, or siblings do not particular make attempts to understand you, but simply accept you and love you for who you are under the name of family.

Your dad might ground you for a week since you sunck out of the house and were on a date with this guy. You dad says, "Teenage boys are all beasts and out of control. You have no idea what they can do to you." He (your dad) might not understand what you are going through. You think you love this guy, and your libido is out of control and you even think about having a baby with him and whatnot.

If even you get knocked up, your boy friend ditches you, your dad still supports you. (There are always exceptions, sadly) And that is acceptance and that is love.


It really does not matter the person that likes you does not know anything about your job, or hobby or whatnot. He or she still is ready to accept you for you are. If you try to understand every bit of the person you like, it would be hardly possible to do so. This is so because you are not him or her.


But accepting other is very possible although it is too arduous. But it pays off eventually. If you try to understand others, there are moments when you just want to quit doing that because you can not relate yourself/yourlife to his or her. But once you accept others sincerely, then it gets easier.

Lastly, Oh finds what Bible says about Acceptance and spots excerpts from Samuel.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7b)